I’m here to help, not shack up

Let’s get one thing straight, Thailand: I don’t want a Thai wife.  It’s nothing personal.  Your women are pretty, kind-hearted and certainly show a great appreciation for my “tall” stature, “large” nose and “beautiful” skin.  My confidence is greatly boosted from their compliments and I try not to let it seep into my ego.

I wouldn’t be writing this if everyone in my community just accepted the fact that I’m a Peace Corps volunteer here to help out for two years.  The pressure, although always told in jest, is getting old.  I’m not here to find a wife.  Some volunteers do date Thai women and some have even married them.  I am not one of those volunteers.  Here’s why.

Your English is not good, my Thai is worse
The idea of marriage to Thais is very different from Americans.  Husbands and wives don’t do a lot of communicating throughout the day in Thailand.  The marriages aren’t arranged, but there are very separate roles that are abided by – men do this while women do that.  Men and women don’t fraternize like in America.  It’s like one big third-grade classroom and none of the boys sit next to the girls.

The squeeze play, Blood on the Tracks and “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place”
Thai women have no idea what these terms mean and they’d need to have at least an idea for me to be interested in them.  Thai women did not grow up with baseball, Bob Dylan or Ernest Hemingway, so what are we going to talk about even if your English is excellent?

Please, stop giggling
I’m still trying to figure out what’s so funny.  Thais love to laugh and not the sort of love-to-laugh written on the personal ad in the North Branch News.  To the Thais, their giggle is an extension of their smile.  To me, in a domestic setting, it would not work.

Tom Selleck called.  He’s jealous.

This music is horrible
The Thais’ idea of good rock and roll wouldn’t make its way to a commercial for a party rental store viewed at a rural movie theater before 12 people watch a matinée showing of the newest Eddie Murphy film.

How many times do I have to tell you?  I can’t eat that.
Well, I can eat it.  It’s the digestion I have a problem with.  I could eat that papaya salad made with five chili peppers, but I’d lose 15 pounds in the next week and spend most of it in the bathroom.  Words never heard in Thailand: “I’m at Papa Murphy’s picking up a large garlic chicken.  Turn the oven on so it’s warmed up before I get home.”

“Let’s go hiking this weekend”
These are more words not heard in Thailand – at least, very rarely.  Thai people do not like to exercise.  I do.  A motorcycle is necessary for a 100-meter walk for most people.

You think this is cold?
When the temperature drops below 70, Thais tend to overcompensate.  I can understand as they’ve grown up in Thailand and are used to warm weather.  Should a Thai wife want to come back to Minnesota with me, I’d imagine she’d spend October through April locked in our home, not exercising and addicted to Old Dutch French Onions ruffled potato chips and Dr. Pepper – not a good combination.

A wife should not shutter when her husband puts his arm around her
As stated earlier, there are many differences in Thai marriage and one of them is they don’t show public affection.  It’s considered rude.  I’m not one to stick my tongue down my girlfriend’s throat in public, but feel holding hands, a quick and light kiss or putting an arm around each other is not only not impolite, but rather healthy.

You’re not geared for the states
I’m not planning on living in Thailand after April of 2013 and although many women say they want to come to America, they probably don’t realize they really don’t.  The quiet and easy life of rural Thailand is nothing like America and far away from their Thai family which is so greatly relevant.  Thai people are so close with their families, most of them still live with at least one other family member aside from their spouse.

In summary, thanks for the offer, Thailand, but I’m going to have to say no.


3 thoughts on “I’m here to help, not shack up

  1. Dis Thai chicks all you want, but for the love of Gob, get the Hemingway short story right: “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place.” One of my faves.

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